50 Tips for the Weary Traveler
by DistilledAria
Summary: You've had your share of world adventures, along with many unavoidable mishaps. Good thing you remembered to write them down...YouxVarious
1. Germany

_This is different from my regular stories, more of a ficlet type thing. As the title says, it will be fifty chapters. I'm going to try and use every Hetalia character. Not sure if there's fifty official characters…we'll see, we'll see. Also unlike my others, this is a current work, so any characters you want to see sooner than others, shoot me a request in the comments!_

_Enjoy!_

_I do not own Hetalia or anything of the sorts.  
_

**…**

**Tip #1: Always know when to leave.**

You had always enjoyed listening to stories of the past. Especially when you could correct them, you being a sort of immortal nation and all. When you heard about "Aunt Elsie" and her retellings of World War II, you _had _to go. Your host, however, didn't find this as much of an exciting occasion. As soon as you mentioned the name, he crossed his arms and looked down at you with those serious blue eyes.

"No."

"_Pleeaase?"_

"No."

You pouted.

"Why not?"

"I don't understand why you'd want to pay money to hear this woman spurt fabricated stories. You were _there_."

You smiled and grabbed his wrist.

"That's the point."

Being as convincing as you were, you managed to drag the blonde along to a small museum. Right at the front there was a flimsy sign, announcing Aunt Elsie's stories. Ever faster, you made your way into a small room where an old woman sat at the front. You bit your lip from squealing, giving Germany's hand an enthusiastic squeeze. He sighed.

The woman went on to tell about her time as a nurse, treating the German soldiers fresh from the battlefront. Most of it was accurate. The way she told it was more exciting than others you had listened to.

"Then there was this one man," she recalled, getting a faraway look in her eyes.

"He was all about business. His hair was always slicked back, his uniform never dirtied. Occasionally, he would come to where I was posted. He would always say hello, wishing me well. I have to admit, however foolish it was, I fell head over heels in love with him."

You felt Germany shift next to you. Oh the drama, knowing he could never come back again one day out in the war.

"One night, when the barracks were empty, I came to him. We had chatted before, we knew each other. He seemed oblivious to what I was letting on. All I knew was I had to have him before he left for Italy again."

"Erm," Germany muttered.

You could guess why he was uncomfortable, but an old woman couldn't go into _that _much detail. There weren't any children here either, so he shouldn't feel as squeamish. You were both mature adults, even if you had a laughing fit over the occasional person falling over a banana peel.

Aunt Elsie licked her lips, reading the next part of the story.

"I pushed him down on one of the bunks, yet even then, in my vulnerable state, he refused. He was too full of honor. But not all of it was honor, I later found out. He confessed to me later he had met a woman, of similar military rank as him. She was exotic, from another country he adored. From the way he talked about her, I could tell he was deeply in love."

"Then he went on to tell me about his desire for her, about how he would ravish her body when-"

"Er, I think it's time to go," Germany said silently to you.

"It just got interesting!" you whined, planting your hands firmly on the ground.

Aunt Elsie was about to demonstrate a particular act with her hands. Germany grabbed you, covering your ears. Why'd he have to be so _practical_? She was almost going to reveal the German soldier's name! Oh well, you'd go to visit her later. You'd only be satisfied once you had _all _the details.

**…**


	2. Turkey

_Some steaming Turkey for Maya Gordelia! Has he lured you into his trap too? XD. Hugs to anyone who has reviewed my stories! Requests are still open for anyone but Turkey and Germany, if you'd like to see someone earlier._

**…**

**Tip #2: Never leave your windows open at night.**

You slowly opened your eyes, then quickly shut them. It was so childish, so _stupid _that you be acting like this. The whole atmosphere of this place was to blame. Right when you walked in the hotel room, you headed straight around. Out late as you could be, the time came for you to return to your dreaded hotel room.

You tightly wrapped the covers around yourself, urging sleep to find you. There was a creak. You shot up, whipping your head side to side. Nothing. Still only an eerie darkness.

You sighed, resting your head back on the pillow. There wasn't anything, or _anyone_, who could get into your room. There were alarms, you'd double locked the door. It was as secure as could be, if not a bit stuffy. Besides, you were a glorious country, more than capable of defending herself. Even if there was some evil, robot nations come to kill you in your unsuspecting sleep…

_Bzzt! _You gasped, scrambling to the side of your bed. Oh. Just your malfunctioning alarm clock. You hit it, then cuddled into your bed. There was no way you'd be getting any shut-eye if you kept your thoughts going like this. If there was only someone here with you…_then _you'd feel safer. No, that was exactly what you were _afraid _of happening.

You groaned. Better to have your mind running in circles than to dwell on crazy axe murderers. What you'd give just to be back in your safe home!

You let your thoughts remain there: home. Your physco boss waiting for you. Wait, that also evoked fear.

Okay, new tactic. Let your mind go completely blank. There would be nothing but a large, empty field of snow before you. Ah, this was working. You could feel your pulse returning to normal.

One last time, just to be safe, you opened your eyes. You were calmer now, there was nothing to be worried about. You nodded, patting yourself on the back mentally. Then you noticed the white mask staring back at you.

You in took a sharp breath, intending to scream. Your vocal cords froze. The masked person smiled and laughed. This was your end, by the hands of some deranged hotel killer.

"Did I scare ya?"

Your mouth fell open, a horde of questions attacking your brain.

"Oh you _idiot_," was all you managed.

He chuckled again lowly, bringing his forehead closer to yours. You could feel your face growing hot. Ugh, what was he doing here? At this time! In _your _hotel room! How'd he even get in?

You were caught between punching him in the nose or hugging him from saving you from the creepy night crawlers.

You started to scoot upright, squinting. Then you poked him. Yup, he was real.

"What-why…" you sputtered.

He offered a wolfish grin, making your heart beat out of something other than fear.

"Oh (name), don't you know to never leave your windows open in Turkey? Bad things can find their way in…"

Your eyes widened as he traced a gloved hand under your jaw, brushing a thumb over your lip. You'd be sure to take note of that, right after you kicked the pervy Turk out of your room.


	3. Romano

_After some requests, here is Romano! He's personally my favorite to write for XD. Oh angry Italians, why are you so funny?_

**…**

**Tip #3: When in Rome, do **_**not **_**do as the Romans do.**

"_Ciao, bella_!" Romano called.

You waved back, a smile growing on your face. He held your arms, then leaned toward your cheek.

"Um,"

You recoiled back, blushing. _That _was abrupt. He scrunched his eyebrows.

"What?"

You laughed weakly.

"You um, eheh…"

He sensed your confusion.

"Don't worry, everyone does that here. It's just a greeting, like a handshake."

"Oh," you responded sheepishly.

Of course Romano wouldn't put the moves on you like that. It was a simple gesture here, nothing out of the ordinary. He kissed you on both sides of your face, just missing your lips by a smidge. _That _really made you feel welcome.

As you toured around the city with your Italian friend, you couldn't help squinting at the people who passed by.

"Uh, why are there so many people holding hands?"

"It's just something everyone does," he said nonchalantly.

"Well, if _everyone's _doing it."

You slipped Romano's warm hand into your own, not understanding why _his _face was turning red. The heat maybe?

After walking around the historic piazza, you rested by a large fountain. Coins glittered under the water. You stared past the falling streams to the other side.

"Why is that boy rubbing himself with water all over?"

Romano's expression went blank.

"Everyone does that."

You blinked.

"Oh, okay."

You dipped your hands in the cool water, then brushed your arms, chest, and face with it. The sun shone intensely, giving you a sort of sheen. You weren't sure why Italians did that, but it did make you look appealing.

The rest of the day whenever you would ask why someone was doing something questionable, Romano would answer with the same, "Everyone does that."

Some of the acts were quite odd, like throwing sticks at blonde passerby or bending down for a long time while Romano stood behind you. You didn't remember hearing about any of these Italian mannerisms. Suspicion started to creep up on you.

Sitting across from the southern nation at a table, you casually glanced away, keeping him in the corner of your vision. You began once again.

"Why is that woman taking off her shirt?"

The corner of his mouth slightly twitched up.

"I thought you'd get it by now. _Everyone _does that."

"Romano!"

**…**


	4. Japan

_Nihon-kun for Chupacabrabeliever18! Hopefully I can keep the teen rating on this X.X_

**…**

**Tip#4: Some things are better left unseen.**

The time had come. You were going to show Japan your collection.

This was an event to be celebrated! Not just anyone got to see your precious medley, but Japan seemed like he would really appreciate it. Who knows, maybe you'd become closer after this experience.

Proudly, you flung open your dresser drawer. Japan's eyes widened.

"(name), wh-why-you-wha-"

You smiled and swung an arm around his shoulders. He sputtered incomprehensibly. Wow, he must _really _like your collection! You laughed happily and gave his hair a ruffle. He couldn't take his eyes off of it!

Even though it was rather obvious, you felt the need to announce your prized possessions.

"Underwear from _every _country's flag in the world! Yes, all one hundred ninety six!"

As you held up a pair of panties featuring Sweden's design, Japan's hand flew to his nose. He prayed his sensitive nostrils would not act up today.

"Isn't it _great?" _you exclaimed.

All the Asian country could manage was a weak,

"Mmhmm."

You babbled on, holding up various bras and underclothes. Japan steadied himself on the bed. You didn't seem to notice his flaming red face. He snatched a tissue from the nightstand to halt his rampant nosebleed.

You glanced back at him, still grinning with pride.

"Would you like to see the Japan themed ones?"

Not wanting to appear rude, he meekly nodded. Maybe you'd realize his discomfort…

"Okay," you giggled.

Instead of turning your back to your dresser, your fingers rested at the hem of your shirt. Japan's eyebrows shot up a mile.

"(name), don't-"

Too late.

**…**

_Just a quick note. There are 196 _recognized _countries. Taiwan in not included, as well as England, Ireland, ect, that are instead all viewed as the U.K. _


	5. Denmark

_Denmark for Arkxy-Chan! Your comment gave me an idea XD. _

**…**

**Tip#5: Don't taunt a person who carries around a huge weapon.**

"I am the king of northern Europe!"

There he went again, raving about his former power and glory. You peered behind a tree, a devilish smile growing on your face. He was too ignorant -or too drunk- to see past your plan.

Yes, you had stolen Sweden's uniform. You heard that the Dane was desperately afraid of Sweden, so you had devised a scheme to dress up like the tall Nordic and scare the wits out of Denmark. He deserved it, after the last incident with Gilbird and the hidden video camera. You tapped your gloved fingers together. Just wait until all of the nations heard that the all-mighty Denmark had been spooked by _you._

Still observing from the tree, you saw Norway roll his eyes.

"You _used _to be the king of northern Europe. Now you're just a butter loathing bum."

"Haha, oh Norge."

Denmark forced the smaller nation into a hug. Norway sighed, then caught sight of you.

"Um, idiot, turn around."

"_Hmm_?" Denmark woozily hummed.

You trotted up, maintaining a serious expression. Norway shook his head. Denmark's mouth flew open. You held a finger in the air, preparing to announce your false identity.

"Wrah, Sweden!"

Before you could process his reaction, he tackled you to the ground. Your breath whooshed out of your lungs. He instantly had your arms pinned above your head. You got ready to shove him off of you, but a hand groping your chest made you freeze. His blue eyes narrowed in confusion.

"Geez Sweden, you've gotten soft over the years."

Your face turned scarlet, then you brought your foot under him and kicked him off. He laughed maniacally.

"Oh no, I won't give you time to get out your stinky fish. I finally have you!"

He reached behind his spiky hair, a large object materializing in his hand. You got to your feet.

"No, Denmark, it's me!"

He stuck out his chin.

"Nice try, but (name) isn't as ugly as you."

You crossed your arms, preparing for an insult, then he swung the object next you, knocking you down again.

"And she's still angry that I tried to kiss her without taking her to dinner first!"

He brought back the object behind his head. Your eyes widened. _Dat axe. _

**…**


	6. America

_In honor of Independence Day in the States, here is America! Everyone wish him a happy birthday! (Except England, you go have a good ole' pint)_

**…**

**Tip#6: Handle your explosives with care.**

The hiss began, filling the quiet air around you. You laid back in your chair, a cool glass of lemonade in your hand, relishing the moment's tranquility.

"_Waaah! Run! Run!" _the blonde shrieked, tackling the concrete driveway.

The hissing halted, then was replaced by a shrill cry, finishing it all off with a…_BOOM!_

The night sky exploded into sparkles of red, white, and blue. America laughed and trotted over to the porch, stopping by you. Pulling your fingers out of your ears, you offered a smile. He placed a hand on your shoulder.

"Wasn't that the coolest, (name)?"

You bobbed your head, casually sliding scooting over your broken lemonade glass with your foot.

"You certainly are…_expressive_ when celebrating your independence."

"Yup. Fireworks sure are bright."

You nodded slowly. Lithuania materialized behind him.

"All of the Baltics wanted to wish you a happy birthday, America! Are you going to start the big display now? I love those."

"The _big _display?" you squeaked. As if the current ones weren't big enough.

America's blue eyes lit up.

"Oh yeah! (name) hasn't lit one yet!"

You held up your hands.

"No, no, I'm fine just watching-"

"C'mon!"

Before you could protest further, America yanked you out of your lawn chair. Your eyes scanned over the colorful boxes. You could imagine looking straight down into one of the cylinders, the wick at its end, then, bam! Your head was blown off.

He bent down, trifling through numerous explosives.

"Um, really America, I don't want anything big…"

He cocked an eyebrow.

"You're with _me_, you can't have anything small. Here,"

He outstretched a long, circular stick in your direction. You stared dumbly.

"What is it?"

"A Roman candle. Now go!"

He threw you a lighter then ran back to the porch. You in took a breath. Alright, Roman candle. That didn't sound so bad. Maybe it'd be one of those where it shot out mild sparks like a fountain. Those were nice, they never blew anyone's head off.

You flipped the stick around, the wick pointing toward you. No one had set off one as tall as this yet. More time for you to get away, perhaps?

Taking your precious time, you held up the lighter to the wick, the miniature flame shaking in sync with your hand. The hiss started. You smiled, staring down at the small spark. This was actually kind of fun!

"(name)! (name)!" nations from the porch called frantically.

You looked up.

"What?"

They made wide rotating gestures with their arms. You tilted your head, confused.

America jumped from the steps, sprinting in your direction. You took a step back, clutching the firework. He crashed into you, smacking the candle out of your grip. You pouted.

"Hey-"

A loud crack interrupted you. The Roman candle shot out a glob of sparks, right where you had been staring. Your eyes widened, snapping to a grinning America.

"You saved my face!"

You wrapped him into a hug, clutching his jacket tightly. He laughed and squeezed you back.

"I am the hero after all."

You sighed contently.

"Yes you are."

**…**

_Did anyone else read that one of America's weaknesses is Dora the Explorer? XD Okay, okay, I won't make fun of him since it's his birthday._


	7. England

_My, my, Iggy sure is popular. Sorry for the wait, I have been procrastinating to the extreme!_

**…**

**Tip #7: Try not to get arrested in foreign lands.**

A bead of sweat trickled down your nose. The little red dial was slowly inching its way to seventy five, about ten over the speed limit. You pressed your foot slightly harder on the gas. No one was on this old country route anyways. It wouldn't bother anyone if you sped up a little. You didn't want to encounter that creepy guy who "coincidentally" always arrived to your hotel room exactly as you did.

Taking a sharp turn around the corner, your eyes flicked nervously to the mirror. There was only the dim illumination of the road. Just an empty path, nothing to be worried about. You bit your lip, your eyes checking the dial then the mirror. Only flashing red lights. You focused back on the road ahead. Wait. Flashing red lights?

A familiar shriek of a siren rang in your ears. Oh no. You gave the steering wheel a squeeze, then sighed. You'd get in a lot more trouble if you tried to speed away. You slowed down and pulled over to the side. The police car halted behind you.

You took a deep breath. It was nighttime, you could say you couldn't read the road sign. If you had to, you could use your…feminine charm. Unless it was a female officer. Then you'd just-

There was a firm tap on your window. You shut your eyes and rolled it down.

"Officer, please, I-"

"I don't have time for excuses, miss."

Your eyes shot open at the familiar accent.

"England?"

He furrowed his thick brows under his police cap.

"(name), I'm going to have to ask you to get out of the car."

You tilted your head.

"What? But I was speeding."

He waved around a notepad.

"So you admit!"

You slapped your forehead.

"I, um, no-"

"You are a foreigner in my country, I have to make sure everything checks out."

Your mouth dropped open.

"That's discrimination! I will not-"

He huffed impatiently.

"Do you have your official papers?"

You paled.

"Um…"

"Then I suggest you get out of the car before I charge you for that _as well_."

You glared and opened the door. He nodded and scribbled something down on his notepad. You held out your arms.

"Okay, I'm out. What do you want?"

The corner of his mouth twitched.

"Are you unfamiliar with any police protocols, (name)? I'm going to have to pat you down."

You recoiled, you face morphing into more shock.

"Pat me down? I don't have anything on me!"

"Do I have to say you resisted an officer?"

You gritted your teeth and spun around, pressing up against the car. This was ridiculous! English police procedures for speeding were outlandish.

His hands started at the tops of your arms, gripping tightly. He trailed down to your waist painfully slow, slightly pushing his body against you. You scrunched your eyebrows. You'd never got patted down so…_intimately _before.

His hands skated down to your hips.

"Aha!"

He gave your bottom a squeeze. You gasped and turned around, preparing to knock the Brit right in the face. He dangled a silver object from his finger.

"What are you doing with a Swiss army knife, (name)? Huh? Preparing to bomb the Buckingham Palace?"

You shook your head.

"How-"

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to bring you into HQ."

He grabbed you into an awkward embrace, confining your wrists in metal cuffs. You squirmed against his chest as he led you into his car. You had just about had enough of this overreacting officer.

"You can't do this! I'm not a terrorist!"

"Always taking precautions, (name). Even with you."

You sighed and watched as your car faded into the distance. If someone stole it, you'd _really _kill England.

"Where is your headquarters?" you asked, concerned about leaving your vehicle far away.

The island nation muttered an address. Your eyes widened.

"Wait…that's the address to you house…"

**…**

_Oh yes, and for all who are wondering where I read one of America's weaknesses is Dora the Explorer, it is mentioned in Hetalia Fantasia 2 and says on his Hetalia Archives profile. I swear it's legit!_


	8. Greece

_I try to make stories to whatever character was requested earliest, but sometimes I have ideas that I just _have _to write down. You're not being neglected, I just haven't discovered the inspiration yet!_

**…**

**Tip #8: When in public, do not use misjudged dialogue.**

"Have you had much practice before?"

You hesitated.

"Eh, a few times here and there, not that I don't enjoy doing it."

Japan froze mid-step as he identified the voices. He followed his ear to the conference door, which was shut tightly. That was odd…he was sure he saw you and the Mediterranean country both leave…

"Have you done it with any other nations?"

"Mmm, once with Prussia, but he didn't hang around too long."

The Asian country's eyes practically flew out of their sockets. You and Greece could surely not be discussing…well, it _was _Greece.

He shook his head. This was a private conversation, he shouldn't eavesdrop further. He should just leave and pretend he never heard anything. That would be the best for everyone.

"Would you like to do it?" Greece asked.

Japan almost dropped his papers.

"Here? Wouldn't it make a mess?" your voice timidly asked.

"It will be fine. Get this collar and bend over."

Japan's mouth hung open. You couldn't possibly agree to such an act where everyone gathered! It was unsanitary!

"Yes, _master_," you responded.

Then came the sound of muffled movement and unzipping. A bead of sweat dripped down Japan's forehead. He could never touch the conference table again! He would never go in that _room _again. Someone had to stop you. He covered his eyes and reached for the door handle. This seemed to happen all to often.

"I-it is very improper for y-you two to commit such deeds here. P-please go back to your hotel…anywhere but here!"

He took in a deep breath, head still angled away from you. There was a pause.

"Why don't you join us, Japan? We could use some extra hands," you asked, ever-so-politely.

This time, he couldn't help snapping his head to you, preparing for a lecture on where and when were the correct terms to have-

He held his breath, staring. You were kneeling by the table, holding a brush. Greece was restraining a wriggling cat wrapped in his jacket. You tilted your head.

"What's the matter, Japan?"

He quickly bowed and turned the other way.

"U-um, nothing. Carry on."

You stared blankly as the door slammed. Greece glanced back to you.

"What was wrong with him?"

You shrugged.

"I don't know. Aww, who's been a good kitty~"

**…**


End file.
